Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Day 134 - Friday, April 1, 2016

"Write until it becomes as natural as breathing. Write until not writing makes you anxious."

I am officially out of Viento, Estro and Green Food. I fought against my urge to discontinue the prescription medication and went ahead and filled my prescription. I couldn't even afford the co-payment when it was time to pick it up. I had to take from the money I was saving for my next therapeutic package from Dr. Sebi. Whew! I tell you, this battle is brutal.

I had a bad dose of the "hungry breath" today. I guess I wasn't eating enough. Stressed to the max. I had to run back and forth almost my entire work day to the court house trying to get my car registration in order. I was only getting one of them updated. I will take care of the other car later. But my tag agent called me this morning to let me know there was a stop on my plate. I became frustrated because I just spent $300 yesterday to clear up my license at the DMV. Now this! It turns out that I had an unpaid red light camera ticket from 2014. I don't recall getting that ticket but I didn't have the energy to fight an further. I need my license and vehicle in order for my job so I just paid the $250.

After work I went straight to the gym to wind down and release some steam. I feel like nothing is ever easy for me. Everything HAS TO BE a fight. I guess that's why I am always so tough and wear a mean look on my face most of the time, except when I am taking pictures. Being photographed is therapeutic for me. Whenever I start to feel low I take pictures. Like last night, Cuddle Bug and I went to the beach and walked about two miles down and back. I took pictures there. He took the pictures of me. Another reason I have been stressed out is because my photographer moved to New York. I have no photographer now. That was like my drug. Today has definitely proved to be a stressful day with all of these unplanned expenses and running up and down.

While at the gym, tears ran down my face. Anthony used to be my gym partner. So much changed so suddenly. It is unbelievable at times. He's broken. I am broken. The world is broken and becoming worse each day. I picked up the speed on the treadmill to take off into a full sprint speed to distract me from crying. It worked momentarily. Once my workout was over, the thoughts came back.


I feel like I missed my calling of being a hoe. If I wasn't sick, I would probably be a hoe. Maybe I am just talking out of my ass at the moment, but these are the thoughts that crossed my mind while working out. Why do I say that? Because I feel as if I am just a beautiful waste of love and loyalty. I eat, sleep, and breathe love and loyalty. But for what? This world no longer has desire for such things. So, why not be a hoe like everyone else? At least I can be held every now and then. At least I won't have to have such high standards which causes me to keep people away until they have allegedly "proven" themselves "worthy" of my time. All of that for what? Just to turn around and catch AIDS anyway. At least if I had slept around with a lot of men in my lifetime I wouldn't feel so badly about having this disease. 

Anthony continues to text me. He told me I am doing a great job with Cuddle Bug. Cuddle Bug was OUR son. My son finally had a father. Just to find this shit out. I finally had a husband and someone to love and protect me like I always wanted. I will not apologize for my feelings because they are real and no one will tell me what I can and can not feel. We were in love. He did love me. He's screwed up. People love the best way they know how. I love the best way I know how. My family loves me the best way they know how. But sometimes that's not enough from the recipient or the on-lookers. Facts!

I haven't studied history since he's been gone. It's like I lost my flame. Someone put out my torch. Hopefully, I find the will to pick it back up soon. I also slowed down on my love of the Black Power and Black Excellence movements. Homosexuality and violence are eating us alive and I am starting to believe that maybe we're not so powerful or excellent. Maybe our best days are behind us. I always say the demise of the black woman is the black man. And the state of the black race rests on the back of the black woman. So you do the math.

Champ told me that when he wiped his butt the other day he saw worms. So I gave him on of the Chelation2 capsules to clean him out. Let's just say he was in and out of the Porcelain Office regularly after that. He even pooped on the floor because it started to come out before he could sit on the seat. Poor baby. He wasn't in pain though. He said he felt better and no more worms. So mission accomplished. I also had him on a 100% alkaline diet for two days. 

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I am following the Nutritional guide 100% as of today. I am setting a goal of a month. I want to make it through this entire month of April doing the right thing. How can we question the effects of his treatment if we do not follow it to the letter? That's not fair. I am doing better with the Bromide. I add the Lily of the Valley to it in order to knock out two treatments in one. I am out of almost everything I ordered but I am going to keep on pressing with what I have. I have a lot of Bromide Plus powder left though.

The key to eating right is staying busy. As long as I keep myself occupied I do not think about unhealthy foods. I have only eaten pears and apples along with the Bromide Plus today.


  1. Xoxoxoxo you are doing great keep it up.

  2. I'm confused a bit and hope you can clear something up for me. You mentioned you filled your prescription to not miss your medication. Does this mean that you took your antiviral Rx while doing the Sebi regimen? I can find anything out there from Sebi stating to stop taking an Rx while on his product. Just want to clarify for me? Thanks Love.

    1. I only took a few of the meds out of fear in the beginning but I discontinued them almost immediately. That was my personal choice to discontinue usage. However, the pamphlet which comes with ALL of Dr. Sebi's products clearly state that you can take ANY and ALL prescription medication while taking his products.

      However, it is MY PERSONAL belief that his company only says that to avoid legal hassles and liabilities. A lot of prescription medication contain acidic properties and acid is what the herbs help cleanse the body of. So, since my diagnosis was not as bad as I initially thought it was I went in on faith and chose not to use meds.