Friday, April 1, 2016

Day 133 - Thursday, March 31, 2016

"Writing is the painting of the voice."


Today was one of those days. You know, when you finally wake up and realize who's life it is. Who your life belongs to after giving it to others and getting hurt the way I did. My belongs to me. No more living for others. And if that hurts them then they never really loved me in the first place. A person who is against me living my life for me does NOT care about me. Period.

I had a salad for lunch today. The same as the other days, except I left out the watercress and strawberries. I added jalapeno peppers though. I love them. I used to eat them with fried chicken. Every time I bit the chicken I would bite the pepper and chew them together. I miss that, but I have to get better. Discipline.

Remember my friend that I used to let come to my house? Well, I was right about him! My third eye doesn't miss. He is an absolute lunatic. I had to tell him off today. I texted to check on him because the other day he said he was feeling suicidal and we got into a misunderstanding then. So, I gave it a few days to cool down. Then I checked on him today to see how he was feeling. And once again, he blew up one me. But he took it to the extreme today. I guess whatever he was going through plus the sexual frustration of dealing with me pushed him over the edge. He called me a bitch several times and said I was a lonely, judgmental bitter bitch who needs a companion. All because I was asking him questions about what was bothering him. We were communicating via text and he thought I was being sarcastic so he showed his true colors. Then he went on to say that's why the men I date are gay.

I couldn't do anything but laugh at his futile attempts to hurt me. I am the type of person that if I don't love you or have feelings for you there is absolutely NO WAY that your words can hurt me. Well, let me just say that I left my peaceful state momentarily and handed him his ass. I told him off from A to Z stating nothing but facts. It was so bad that he deactivated his FaceBook account immediately following our encounter. I know this because I screenshot every last one of our messages and posted them and tried to tag him. I don't take to disrespect to lightly. 

But it felt kind of good to unleash on someone. I have a lot of pent up anger and he just was the lucky creep to cash in on it. This was one of those moments where I was happy to be the way I am. Super guarded. Just imagine what would have been said had I disclosed my health status to him at any point. Sheesh! I would have had to kill him. Lol. But I usually live out loud. I don't hide too much of anything about myself. Everyone knows the man I was in love with was gay. Why? Because I told them. I am a very difficult person to shame.

But this whole occurrence just confirmed for me that I need to continue to stay in isolation. People are just the worst.

I took my last Genvoya pill today. The bottle is empty. I went back and forth in my mind as to whether or not I should continue taking them. Through teary eyes I submitted a refill to the pharmacy. I feel so bad every time I take those pills because I know they are damaging my body but I did say I was going to continue to take them until my next appointment.


  1. Xoxoxoxo me to refill day. Its gonna be ok..

  2. Hello again Queen, Please take your medication as I previously commenting we all know these medications are so acidic but they are saving so many lives. I can feel your feeling but continue for good.
    When you are thinking healing or curing there are so many factors to hinder especially psychological wellbeing is one of the most. Therefore please forget the Anthony’s stuffs and all the bad experiences and move on, teach your mind to remember only good stuffs, think your young prince you are not alone, be happy if you repair your bad memory then you will facilitate your curing.
    One last reminder is that please don’t rely on foods only. Actually, taking nutritious food is good no one deny this but if you think curing this shit only by food put your body immunity vulnerable to different disease attack please be wise!!! I’m strongly telling you that take dr. sebi product together with medications!! If you cannot afford the all-inclusive package then shift the cheaper package together with strictly following dr sebi nutritional guide. Last time you ate chicken. Please follow strictly the nutritional guide then after a couple of doctor’s appointment and according to your lab result you will decide.
    Think also a couple of supplements to take! As we all know, dr sebi nutritional guide focus only plant based food so if you follow this principle you will never get vitamin B12 /apparently found in animal based foods/ so, think about supplements:
    1. Vitamin D3 /I hope you live in USA so most people is deficient in vitamin D/ either measure your vitamin D level. Read vitamin D and health it is one of the best vitamin for our health.
    2. Vitamin B12
    3. Zinc and Selenium, magnesium/great but optional/
    Please research them
    Feel good be positive, you will cure no matter what!!
    Your bro is here for you.

  3. FB group hiv longterm survivor group is a good outlet Queen. Thanks Sol im wprried about her xoxoxoxo

  4. xoxoxoxo you welcome. I hope Queen'll be alright when she recognizes she is not alone we are here for her.