Saturday, March 26, 2016

Day 126 - Thursday, March 24, 2016

Today I don't feel like doing anything. I just want to lay in my bed. Don't feel like picking up my phone. So leave a message at the tone.

This morning I had a reality check. I can't afford this treatment. All jokes aside. That is the reality of the matter. I can't afford it consistently. Consistency provides the best results. The fastest results. I have almost no money in my bank account and I am hungry.

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But today was my lucky day. They were serving food at work today. My co-worker called me while I was downtown to let me know that they were setting up for medical luncheon at the office with the company's doctor. We would be able to eat a healthy lunch and ask the doctor whatever questions that we want.

By the time I got back to the office the food was set up. There was a hefty portion of salad, pro-biotic grilled chicken breast, and fruit and yogurt parfaits. They also gave out vitamin water. I'm not going to lie, I pigged out. I ate like there was no tomorrow. I ate three servings and packed two plates to take home to my son. Yes, I ate the chicken too because I was hungry and din't know when my next meal was going to be. However, I did not drink the Vitamin Water because I am pretty much addicted to water at this point. Real spring water. I read the label of he ingredients on the bottle and it contained two forms of acid. 

During the lunch, I went to speak with the doctor to ask him about starch. He said our bodies need starch in moderation. I asked him how so when starch is not a food. It contains absolutely no nutritional value because it is i binder used in engineering. He was at a loss for words for a few moments. Then he hit me with some medical book mumbo jumbo. At that moment, I was turned off and went back to finish my meal. He knew he was wrong but doctors are trained to stick to the books no matter how foolish it sounds. Dr. Sebi it is. I will follow him. Every thing he says makes sense and he has absolutely no problem answering questions and giving examples.

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After lunch, I packed up all of the leftovers, including the poisonous Vitamin Water, and took it under the bridge near where I work and gave it to the homeless people. They said God bless me as they took the bag of goods.

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Mutiny on Board! One thing I do NOT like is bullying and gossip. As soon as I sat down at the table to eat, my coworker jumps right into talking about my other co-worker. Let's call the one at the table Pam. And the person she was talking about, we will call Phylicia.

No one in the office likes Phylicia because she is extremely nosey and overbearing. She also comes off rude and disrespectful at times when she speaks. But overall, I believe she is a nice person who can't really see that what she is doing is wrong. But she means well.

What I didn't like was the fact that Pam began to talk about her as soon as she walked out of the room. She told me that I should watch my back because Phylicia would stab me in it and she can't be trusted. She went on and on about this lady and all I wanted to do was eat my lunch in peace. Pam is very needy for attention. She will talk for hours straight and only give you room to say mmm hmm in between one of her sentences. I don't have a problem with either one of them because I always try to understand WHY people behave the way they do. Then I treat them based on their intentions and not their exact actions.

Pam is needy because her husband doesn't give her any attention at home. She is 35 years old. Phylicia is nosey and overbearing because she is 50 years old, her mom and dad spoiled her and showed her the ropes of how to be successful, and she lives at home all one now because her daughter is an adult and moved out. 

So who has the bigger problem? In my eyes, Phylicia could use a friend more than Pam so I told her she needs to quit it. I told her I didn't want to hear any of the nonsense because I am a grown woman at 29 years old and I can handle myself quite well. Regardless of her quirks, I CHOOSE to be Phylicia's friend. So, I shut down that conversation.

I'm not concerned with status. My only concern is maintaining a healthy bond with my son.

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After work, I loaded my on's dirt bike into the back of my car to take him to a big park to ride over some hills and through a few trails. I don't have a bike so I would be on foot, getting some exercise. Unfortunately, on the way there, I was hit by a huge truck. It turned out to be one of my coworkers. I told you I work for the government. So, I didn't want to get them in trouble. I met up with them after the accident at a building so they could look at the damage to my vehicle.

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As if my day couldn't get any worst, the responding officer to the scene said she knew me from somewhere. I was already annoyed by her unprofessionalism and ghetto dialect so I tried to ignore her as I spoke to my coworker. But she was persistent. She kept talking to me loudly. So, I definitely ignored her. I don't like loud talking. That's when she dropped the bomb and my heart fell out of my ass. She said she was the officer who took my report when I came down to the station about my boyfriend.

I gave her a cold stare. I just wanted to grab her by the throat and choke her out until her body was limp and lifeless. My eye began to twitch. She was the officer I spoke with when I filed a report against Anthony for knowingly infecting me with HIV. I swear this Police Department is so unprofessional. I was almost daring her to bring it up again in front of my coworkers. I would have killed her on the spot. I told them I didn't want to make a report. The officer hung around a little longer because she was flirting with my coworker. She better not tell him shit. That's all I know. My stomach did flips as I pulled off because I could almost hear her say, "Don't tell her I told you this, but..."

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I was so sick and weak when I got home. It was probably from all of the chicken I ate earlier. I could barely move. My little lion cub had to take care of me and help me up off of the couch. Because I was so weak and drained my eyes kept closing and he thought I was dying. So every few minutes I would wake up to him administering CPR on me by doing chest compressions and giving breaths. I had him trained two years ago (when he was six) at the fire station.

I tried to assure him that I was fine but he cried every time I closed my eyes. He said he didn't want to lose me. Eventually, he got me up off of the couch and into my bed. He took me to the bathroom and cleaned me up as well. Yes, I was that weak. He turned on the air conditioner, which helped a great deal, and he prepared my herbs. He said Dr. Sebi would make me feel better. He did a pretty good job of prepping them.

However, tonight was the first time I ever threw them up. I couldn't hold them in and I threw up into the kitchen sink. Yuck! I guess my body finally had enough of that thick, putrid liquid. But all I could see was my money going down the drain.

After that, my Cuddle Bug tucked me into bed as I drifted off to sleep so I could rest to fight another day.


  1. This blog was heartbreaking on so many levels. I hate that your son had to go through that terror, and I hate that you had to be hungry. As women, friends, sisters, we MUST do better to recognize issues and help each other out more. Do you know if your ex getting sick at this point or was he healthy?


    1. As far as I know, he seems pretty healthy on the outside. But I have no idea what's going on within. Some people show no symptoms for years and are just the carriers. I think it was just the food and stress that was making me sick that day.

      -Queen Selah

  2. I see. During this time you needed an adrenaline rush like a roller coaster ride or something fun to pep you up.


    1. I think there were a lot of times during my healing that I went through love withdrawal. I think I had allowed myself to become accustomed to being spoiled. I'm glad my Cuddle Bug took care of me.

      -Queen Selah