Monday, March 21, 2016

Day 121 - Saturday, March 19, 2016

There's a whole lot of flushing going on! It was so bad that the rumble in my stomach woke me up at five in the morning to go to the bathroom. Yikes!

Image result for diarrhea strikes meme        Image result for diarrhea strikes meme

All of this pooping is leaving me weak. I got my son ready for his basketball game but I postponed taking my morning treatment because I know he wanted to go to an Easter event right after his game. I didn't want to get caught out in the street for that many hours after taking the herbs so I made sure I emptied my tank before I left.

Although I was weak, I was in pretty good spirits from reading Sebi's book last night. There's hope. As soon as I pulled up to the basketball court, Cuddle Bug's best friend's dad called me. I didn't answer. I ignored the call on purpose. I don't feel like talking to anyone. He called me three more times before he texted me to ask me to come get his son to take him to the Easter event. That's my son's best friend and I knew it would make him happy to have someone to hang out with. So, I went to get him and brought him back to the game. As soon as I pulled up, one of the kids (the boy who tried to rough up my son a few games ago) was injured. I grabbed my supplies from the car and ran to administer first aid.

After the game, my son received a trophy for the closing of the season. Today was the last basketball game and soccer starts in two weeks. So, I'll only have to take him to karate until then.

Immediately after the game we went to the outdoor Easter event where I was able to get a lot of sun. That is great because the vitamins from the sun aids in the healing process. A man from a church also approached me and asked me if I play volleyball. Before I could ask him why he thought that I looked down and realized I was wearing some short Nike tights and a t-shirt. And my muscular legs were showing. But he was right. I did play volleyball so I told him that and he said he would like me to be a coach. He gave me his number to exchange details later. That could be fun.

The boys had a lot of fun and ate a bunch of free food. Everything was tempting. The hot dogs looked so good and the fact that they were free made them even more appealing. But I stayed strong, not even indulging in faucet water. After the event, I took them to a children's gaming center, Chuck E. Cheese's, so they could spend more time together and have fun.

After the boys hung out his dad invited me to his house for a barbecue. They are Cuban so they love to eat. It is a large part of their culture and his dad cooks so good. Everything he makes is scrumptious. I went as not to be rude because I know his wife has no friends and needs some girl time every now and then. Plus, that would give Cuddle Bug and his friend more time to hang out and get a free meal. I, on the other hand, had to be tortured to resist temptation. He made barbecue ribs and french fries. I wish you could see my face right now.  This is how I was looking when I saw the food being prepared.

It was time to run. If you have been keeping up with my blog you would know that red meat (ribs) and french fries (with salt) are two of my greatest weaknesses. I hung out with his wife and talked for a while. I could tell she was happy to have someone to talk to. I like to make people happy. But for some reason, for the past year or so, I have been more focused on making women happy and trying to get them to love themselves. I don't think women receive enough love or positive energy from their partners, children, jobs, or even other women. I want to do my part in changing those dynamics. Women need to unify instead of seeing each other as competition or threats. And women need to stop doing things to be viewed in that light as well. It's not a one way street. But it's not too late to change.

There are not a lot of healers in my city. But there is definitely an abundance of diseases, including AIDS. Once I come out of this thing on the other side I would love to do something about that. Possibly start a fund raiser of some sort to be able to provide healing services for free or at no cost using Dr. Sebi's products. But I have to take care of myself first.

After the barbecue I went home to clean my house. Cuddle Bug asked me if I was going to make spaghetti. I guess my growing man is developing quite the appetite. So, I postponed the cleaning to make dinner. Spelt spaghetti, chickpeas and mushrooms as requested by my young prince. He devoured every last bit.

After dinner I continued to clean up but I could feel my energy fading rapidly as I had taken the Genvoya not too long ago. I pushed myself to finish cleaning and organizing the kitchen, bathroom, and my bedroom. I still have to do my Cuddle Bug's room and mine. The little bit that I did get done gave the house a whole new feel. I could think clearer. I felt free. The herbs always clear my mind. Now I was able to focus long enough to clear my home. I felt encouraged from that alone.


I have been doing Self-Assessment Saturday for a very long time. On Saturday is when I do my most intense meditations and deep analytical thinking. It helps me to become a better person by focusing on areas of which I can improve. I have definitely come a long way. Especially with my anger. That has been one of my main issues. I used to be the type of person who was always quiet and observing every one and every thing around me. Then when someone offends me or my child, or one of my brothers, I would hand them their ass. I would fly into a rage. But I am happy to say that I am changing. I still tell people about themselves when necessary but my first resort is to hold my tongue because I realize a lot of people are not aware of WHY they do what they do because of the mental levels they are on. They are still bound by the psychological locks society has placed on them and I try to be understanding.

On this Saturday, I have also realized that things are going to get better for me. I mean a whole lot better. I will be cured and in the process I will be able to help others. My son is watching me and he is growing in my image. I am proud of the path I have laid out before him all on my own. He will be a great individual. Greatness flows through his bones even now at just eight years old.

Everyday I am getting mentally and emotionally stronger. Yes, some days my body feels physically sick. And some days I cry until my tear ducts dry out. But that is just a necessary release to get me back on my feet again to keep on trucking. I'm going to need to be stronger to deal with what is ahead of me once I overcome this disease and try to reach out to help others. There are going to be those people who will deny that I am cured despite the paperwork being in their faces. Who knows, once I open up, I may be always known as the "AIDS girl" by ignorant people. And we all know there are way more ignorant people than those with sense. We are outnumbered. But am I ready? This didn't happen to me for no reason. I better be...

I have so much to share with others. How to cope with dating an undercover homosexual. Overcoming HIV/AIDS. Being a single mom. Being a foster child. And just being a woman and loving yourself in general. In all of these areas I have so much to offer. People need to be able to see others relate to their struggles.


The Genvoya is definitely keeping me up at night. It's an endless nightmare of torture. I finally fell asleep after four in the morning and woke up at 2 pm.

I dreaded taking the herbs last night. I really despise the smell and thickness of the liquids. They make me want to puke. However, the Iron Plus is not so bad. It doesn't have such a strong smell and the liquid is not that thick.


Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid...

My photographer's friend called me this afternoon and asked me out on a date for next Saturday. I didn't give him a clear answer but he was super-excited. Lol. That is too funny how these guys are because I am never nice to him. I don't call him or answer his texts almost all the time.

I know it may seem crazy, but a large part of me is thankful to Anthony for breaking me down like this. I have gone through the fire and I am coming out as pure as gold. For those of you who read the Bible, there is a similar story in 1 Peter 1:1-9.

I am a better woman because of him. He has given me love on such a deep level that the desire and yearning for love is no longer a huge void in my life. I have had it. I have had heartbreak, let-down, and disappointment from him as well. I have had a family unit with him. I have been uplifted and praised everyday from him. I have been called a queen everyday and told my black was beautiful every day. I have been told that I am appreciated and that I changed his life every day. I have had great sex almost every day. I have heard "I love you" every day. I was protected everyday. I had someone to hold me every day and night. I was with a gay man who gave me AIDS during all of this.

I am wiser now and my walls are up where I never knew there was a threat once before. I love myself so deeply and I know my power. He helped me. I'll just take it as that and try to forget about his slimy ass over time. Let gratefulness overcome the anger I feel towards him. It will be almost impossible for another man to hurt me because of him.

I learned that I am not untouchable because of my good heart and kind deeds. I learned that I am not immune to heartache and deceit just because I am loyal and loving. I learned that I am not immune to diseases just because I am monogamous, drug-free, and physically fit. I learned to smile and keep my guards up at all times. I learned not to let anyone in. I am an island of strength and weaknesses, yet still I rise. I am powerful. I am Queen Selah and you're going to hear me roar!

I am not dating anymore guys who need me. A man has to be able to provide me with what I need. I can't even count how many times I have met guys who speak with me for a few minutes or days, and immediately say, "you're what I need in my life." And I know they mean it. I have helped everyone I have been with. But what about what I need? No bueno! Terminate`.

I'll share the excerpts from Dr. Sebi's other book in a future post.



  1. Xoxoxoxo the full amour of God Hunny. I felt this so deeply as I have the same definition of "the love in exchange for the Low down
    #unthinkable. Yes we were taught to love ourselves unconditionally through this beast of a monster. But whats more disgusting is to know that the beast was created by man. To depopulate a race or specific gender of people. Hold cures from people in exchange for a Fuckin Treatment 4 life. Sad shit Queen. We are the real Queens we hold the key and must break every chain. Our movie is waiting Sis. Once upon a time we loved freely,because you are the same sign as me. We trusted too much because we could not forsee. The plan the devils had in store for thee. God see's all and when we weep he takes notes of the pain fear and tears. I Love you Queen You are my sister I shed tears because I don't wish this pain on anyone. They want our minds and thought we would commit suicide. But the same death trap they imposed on us. I Pray God impose 10x on them and their families.
    1. For Creation
    2. For Raping our nation
    3. For participating in depopulation of lives that wasn't there's to take.
    4. Not caring enough to tell the truth (Especially) the creation of the Virus
    5. How it is now swept under the rug...
    Who runs the World for now is full of greed, with their fat pot bellies and white cancerous skin. #Venting laughing.�� and crying at the same damn time. We need a Spa Day.. smiling

    1. Well I'll be damned! All this time you have been sitting on all of that talent???

      RISE UP QUEEN!!!!!!!

      Climb up on top of your pain and deceits and use it as your tool. I felt a sonic boom through what you have written. Yes, we definitely are sisters. There's no denying that. I am in tears and my chest is pounding. That was deep. We are going to make it through this because we have no other choice. Because we now have a voice. And our voices have been heard and fell upon like-minded ears.

      You said so much, I don't know where to begin. You touched on so many things that I have been secretly feeling. You are the truth! Let it be told. Our movie will change the world (or at least the United States). Lol.

      Yes, this man-made beast has forced us to love ourselves on levels unimaginable. Once we are cured, we must continue to do so and teach the rest of our sisters how to do the same.

      I am a Taurus. Are you one as well? Why am I giggling and crying at my desk? I am going to get you for this! You could have at least gave me a disclaimer so I'd know you were about to get deep. That way I wouldn't have read it at work. I would have waited until I got home. Lol.

      The suicidal thoughts and attempt was real. That was an eye opener for me when I was revived and looked into the worried eyes of my little boy.

      Sometimes I fight the desire for revenge. I have to fight hard because I feel like nothing but revenge and the demise of Anthony and Kevin would complete my healing process because I am damaged. But then I think, what if I can't get that? Will I prevent myself from being whole again just because of revenge? And I don't want that. I have too beautiful of a spirit to let it waste away and be glum because of withheld contempt.

      I believe our movie and our story of healing will take care of the rest. It will finally call out the lies of the nation and force them to confront it. We need answers and we will get them. Are you ready to put in that work? Because I am.

      As for that spa day...I concur. I just wish they were in thermal waters with a high pH. Lol.

      Love you sis,

      Queen Selah

  2. Wow, this was a powerful read and resonates with me 100%. Beautifully written. Keep fighting sis.

    1. Thank you Queen. My mind was clear today. Saturdays are usually good days for me. See you at the finish line.

      Peace and love,

      Queen Selah

  3. Xoxoxoxo I knew the connection was real I'm a Scorpio lol. And trust me O know because when I read what you write it infiltrate me on a whole level of realness. Yes that girl jas Raw talent I thought you Knew. Lol I'm glad you was laughing.�� estatic as a matter of fact. These crazy ass devils girl. Now today I researched and now the kicking and killing. HIV crazy part is when will they stop saying not now in years to come. I want to talk to these professors my self at these farm Universities. I typed in HIV CURE AND TO MY SURPRISE THERE IT WAS.... LOOKING at me right in my face. Q IS when will they stop playong in peoples lives. Greed is the devil.....

  4. Wow; this was a powerful post. I understand your hesitation, but remember the walls you use to keep people out could also become your prison. You are meant to soar little bird.


    1. So true. ***sigh***

      But I have to guard my heart above all for it effects everything I do.

      -Queen Selah

  5. That is true too. Heartbreak and disappointment feels like "sheet."