Sunday, March 20, 2016

Day 120 - Friday, March 18, 2016

"Life begins at the end of your comfort zone."
-Neale Donald Walsh

I woke up and lit a black cherry incense to get my day started. The pain is definitely still there. I packed my usual contents and made my way to work. My bestie at work told me I am "bad" out of nowhere. We were walking on our lunch break, as we usually do for exercise and stress-relief, and she said sometimes she sits back and looks at me and think about how hard it would be to do what I do. She said she couldn't imagine raising her son on her own. Her oldest son. She has four children and she was just saying if she had only him. She said that I do it effortlessly and still have a good attitude and my son is doing well in every area. That's funny to me because she doesn't even know about my positive status. I have so much more on my back than just raising my son alone.

She knows I don't like getting all mushy and stuff so that meant a lot to me. I thought over what she said. She can't imagine raising her son on her own because she's always had help. She's always had mom and dad. And immediately after that, she's always had her husband for 20 years and his mom and dad lives with them. So I understand where she is coming from. Being on her own is foreign to her. That's probably why she takes her family for granted sometimes. I always try to remind her that she is blessed.

I, on the other hand, can't imagine having help because I have always been on my own. Mom and dad were not there. My brother told me he isn't my dad and it's not his responsibility to be there for me. I bounced from foster home to foster home where the foster parents' only concern was receiving their monthly check. No love or nurturing or even help from them. I remember running around and playing basketball at the park to earn money to pay for my prom dress, rental car, and to pay someone to help me move my things to my dorm upstate when I was accepted to college. And almost every guy I have been with needed me a lot more than I needed them. So, I've been conditioned do to things on my own, to the point that I become uncomfortable when someone wants to help.

I am glad she told me that though. It feels good to be understood...

After work, I made my way to Whole Foods to pick up some more spelt spaghetti, oil of oregano extract, and seaweed chips. Then I rushed to take my Cuddle Bug to karate practice while I finished up reading Dr. Sebi's book. His grandmother reminds me of myself in so many ways that it's unbelievable.

I am still not able to go to sleep at night but I am always tired because of the Genvoya. I sat on the porch and read the rest of Dr. Sebi's book to try to help me fall asleep. 

As for the treatment, I dread taking the liquid tonics from Sebi's office. The capsules aren't that bad. But the liquids make me sad every time I have to take them. Especially the Bio Ferro tonic. Just the smell alone makes me sick to my stomach. I will be picking up the Iron Plus tonic from the post office tomorrow. I received a slip that said I missed the delivery. And I take the Lily of the Valley powder in my tea now. That's the best way for me to take it. I drank it with my Linden tea, which is also called Tila tea.

I accidentally deleted my notes for today so I am writing off of the top of my head. But I want everyone to stay determined and keep fighting. I think some great things are going to come out of this. We will be victorious. We will beat this.

Image result for helping hand
"I alone can not change the world. But I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples.
-Mother Theresa



  1. I saw your facebook page. And you are beautiful. I am praying for you. I love reading your blogs. You are one day closer to being cured!

    1. Thank you so much queen and I am glad you're enjoying the blog.

      Stay blessed,

      Queen Selah

  2. Call me "Sol"

    Hey queen, I read your blog since day 1 and I really appreciated how much you are devoted, hardworking and strong woman and I was looking for months to get really the real tangible witness in dr. sebi packages I have been watching dr sebi’s YouTube video and even I met dr. sebi in one of his speech he seems genuine and logical but my concern is everyone talk about him and his methodology so much but I never had any tangible practical evidence from the one who cured from any disease; of course, there are some fragmented testimonies on YouTube here and there but according to dr sebi’s reputation to me it is not satisfactory to get enough information to trust him.
    Queen , let me tell you my story I have been in relationship for almost 12 years and I and my girlfriend had so many dreams we are hardworking people for instance I have 2 MSC Degrees in Engineering and my girlfriend has 1 MSC Degree in Engineering I can say we are educated I have been teaching at university almost 6 years for your surprise I have never and ever had sexual relationship with anyone other than my girl fried and my girlfriend too I am more than 100% sure she is very strong girl and hard worker. We are so much cautious in every step. In 2004 I remember she got pregnant and we were not ready then we went private hospital and we aborted!
    However some years around in 2008 she was sick and the doctor told her that she catches Tuberculosis TB and she has been on treatment around 7 or 8 months. I was shocked day by day her health is deteriorated gradually for your surprise we never and ever thought even about HIV then after that in 2011 again she accidentally ill and rushed to hospital and the doctors told us it was pneumonia I was shocked the second times how this things happened to us luckily I’m so much healthy never and ever ill so I am so much complicated then after she done the treatment she is again so much healthy and we forgot everything. We never thought HIV really because we never and ever did anything wrong regarding sexual behavior TRUST ME!!
    In 2015, she again get sick again now at this time I was so much distressed and I decided to check my HIV status rather not to stress her then I got my result positive. I shouted and shouted and even I cannot move for hours my hopes, my dedication, my esteem lost with in a second. It took me days to come to normal and after some couple of days I told her my HIV status she immediately cried for hours I cried too because honestly, no one deserve this but a situation like this hurted too much because if one of us did some sexual thing from multiple partner I could have regretted it but it was so difficult time for us to accept this incredible life event surprise.
    Queen, at least you knew your partner did something wrong and he caught HIV and infected you. At least you knew this but in our case it is a surprise. I barely suspect my girlfriend probably caught from hospital we never knew at all.