Sunday, March 20, 2016
Day 119 - Thursday, March 17, 2016
"I wake up in the morning and I ask myself. Is life worth living or should I blast myself? I'm tired of being poor and even worse I'm black."
-Tupac Shakur (That's Just The Way It Is)
I woke up this morning in pain as usual. My stomach has been cramping viciously due to the Genvoya. I made my to light my morning incense to help settle my mind for the day ahead of me. I struggle to get my son to school on time every morning. Since the day he enrolled into pre-kindergarten up until now, he has NEVER missed a day of school or been late.
Once, I get him to school, I struggle to pull myself together. I have a few bowel movements, take a shower, then have several more bowel movements. And all of this happens before I even begin to get dressed for work. The bowels are more controllable than in the beginning. They are now on a schedule that doesn't really affect work once I get there. I only take shadoobies in the morning, which causes me to be late for work. But once I leave the house, I usually don't have to go for the rest of the day.
I made my morning batch of Dr. Sebi's treatment and made a Bromide smoothie with watermelon and cantaloupe. When I got home from work, I made another bromide smoothie before bed while I watched Grey's Anatomy with more watermelon than anything else. Big mistake. I think it was the cantaloupe that made the smoothie taste good yesterday. Or maybe it was the fact that I added key limes today that made it not so tasty. Either way, I'm going to drink it.
During my break at work, I drove across town, almost 45 minutes away, to see about getting my son enrolled into the elementary school that I attended. They have an excellent higher learning program. As soon as I got there I felt it in my soul. This is where my son needs to be. The school has only gotten better since I left. I left a message for the counselor since she was out to lunch and drove slowly as I left the school. I wanted to take in the scenery. I always said this is where I wanted to move once I become a bit more financially stable.
I'm not poor. I'm just very afraid of failing or having an emergency which causes me to fall off for a moment because I have no one to fall back on to help me. The last thing I want to be is homeless. But this is the area that I lived in with my mom and brothers. I loved it. It was very safe and family oriented. Driving through the area brought me warm memories.
When I got back to work, I sat in the car and cried. I am tired and I am about to take on another challenge. It seems like everything in my life is a challenge. But it's for the best interest of my son. Right now, my job, house, gym, and my son's school is all within five minutes of each other. But I know greater opportunity is elsewhere. I just really don't like change. And I am afraid. I will have to either pay for after care for my son, or fight through traffic every afternoon. Or move to that area, which is more expensive than where I live now.
Dinner was delicious! My son and I enjoyed it a great deal. I purchased two types of pasta from Whole Foods the other day. Kamut pasta swirls and spelt spaghetti. My son chose spaghetti. Since chickpeas are loaded with iron, I chose to find a way to incorporate them into my meal. So, I made spelt spaghetti, topped with stewed mushrooms, chickpeas, and bell peppers and onions. It was a hit! My first time making it was successful. So much so that my son and I ate the entire box of spaghetti. We fought for the last of it. Three servings each and I still didn't have that heavy, sleepy feeling that most foods leave you with afterwards. I have to make another trip to Whole Foods tomorrow to buy more spelt spaghetti because I only bought one box. We can definitely eat this more often.
EVOLUTION OF FEELINGS
Concerning love, I still enjoy love songs. I just no longer envision myself as one of the characters as I listen to them. Nope, I can't say that I could ever see myself being in love again. Even before this happened, I have always been somewhat of an introvert and didn't like people to get close to me. I was cautious. I am that girl who always presses the "Door Close" button on the elevator to keep anyone from getting on with me.
Now, I have reasons to keep those walls up. I have been scarred by being with a homosexual who portrayed himself as straight. Yes, I call him homosexual because I don't believe in bisexuality. It's confusion or greed at its best. Confusion or greed that could have cost me my life. So no, there will be no love in my future as I see it right now. No relationships. Nothing. I can't see myself trusting another human being with a penis again. And I would NEVER consider being a lesbian!
So, I guess once I am cured, I will dedicate my free time to help cure others.
Mucous has been coming up again. Sometimes out of my mouth and other times in my stool. I have also noticed that more mucous comes out when I have eaten something that wasn't on the list. I guess that goes to show the importance of abiding by the nutritional guide. The bad foods work quickly to form mucous.
The Bromide Plus smoothies are nice and everything, but they get played out quickly. I prefer the capsules. I don't like having to wake up every morning to boil water and prepare a hot drink that may or may not taste good depending on the fruit added to it. I don't like carrying around a canister of the liquid and sometimes it gets thick. I don't like the smell or the texture. But I do like to be healthy. I love to be healthy! So, I am going to continue to experiment with ways to make it to my liking and press forward on this journey of healing.
My goal for this blog is for everyone who has HIV/AIDS or knows someone who is positive, to finally be able to say Dr. Sebi cures AIDS because I know someone who did it. And if they don't believe it, my blog will serve as a FREE source of proof.
When I got home from taking Cuddle Bug to basketball practice I placed a thank you card in my neighbors mailbox for doing my yard. He didn't finish the rest so I assume he thought his efforts would make me call him yesterday, but I didn't. When I'm not interested. I'm just not interested and I hate when a person tries to coerce or bind me into dealing with them. So, I just left him the card in the box and went about my day. I appreciate what he did, but I will finish the rest. I always take care of my own yard and I can't stand the expecting stares of his family. That really grinds my gears. He gets nothing but a thank you for what he did. Especially when I didn't ask. I already know they are going to try to make it seem like I used him, when in reality, he used his kind deed to try to get closer to me. No bueno!
I call in sick to work sometimes because I just can't bare to drive. I sit in my car, in my garage and I'm so angry about what happened to me that I can't drive my car. For hours, I just sit there. Does that ever happen to you? That you're so angry you can't breathe? Because I do. But I can't tell you that because I am afraid that I'm being weak or ungrateful. Please, you are my best friend. Horrible things have happened to us. Can we just be real with each other for once?