Monday, March 14, 2016

Day 114 - Saturday, March 12, 2016

"If you look at the world's top 50 drugs being sold today, they are being marketed and sold by companies that did not invent them. I respect patents. I'll pay a royalty. But I shouldn't be denied the right to produce drugs for poor people at reasonable prices."
-Yusuf Hamied


LAST NIGHT'S RECAP

Last night was crazy. As soon as I got home from work my body gave out. All resources were depleted. I fell asleep with half of my body hanging off of the bed and couldn't move. I could feel the weariness in my shoulders. Less than an hour later, I had to jump up to take my son to karate practice. My legs were weak and I could barely walk. I'm getting tired of these side effects. I can't sleep at night and can't stay awake in the day time.

Dr. Sebi's office did call me back to let me know they reviewed the pictures I sent them and she sent out another bottle of Iron Plus. 

I also made a trip to Whole Foods to grab a few alkaline items. I do NOT want to continue taking these stupid antiviral medications. They are killing me and weakening my system day after day. I can feel the damaging changes in my body. Are they lowering my viral load? Most likely, yes. But what else are they lowering? The side effects are unbearable. When I was ONLY using Dr. Sebi's products I felt like Superwoman everyday aside from the occasional unexpected bowel movement. But I always felt great. Something has to give.

I bought a few spelt items, ginger shots, chickpea flour, chickpeas, and seaweed snacks. They were all out of soursop. The shipment didn't come in this week. A friend of mine lives a few states over and asked me to send him some because he has cancer. I offered to send him the frozen kind instead, which is 100% natural and great for smoothies. I also picked up some Kamut Puffs. I've been looking for that forever! They are cereal made from kamut grain, but I like to eat them as a replacement for popcorn, as a snack. My son likes them too. He even chose them over Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

TODAY

I decided to experiment this weekend and not take any of Dr. Sebi's products along with the Genvoya.  I wanted to see the outcome of the mixture. I was still very tired and made my way an hour north of my home to take my son to his karate seminar. He had to miss his basketball game today because although he rather play basketball over karate, in my book, karate trumps basketball because it is self-defense and year-round.

It felt good to watch my son smiling, showing off his moves, learning from international senseis, and making new friends. On our way home he asked me how much is it for a plane ticket? I asked him if he was talking about a plane ticket and he said yes. I said it depends on where you are going. Why? Where are you trying to go? He told me the state and I told him it would be about $300 for a round-trip ticket. He said, okay, he's going to start saving now because he wants to go see his family and his cousins. I looked at him and rubbed his head. Poor baby. He's the only child and wants to be with his cousins because they treat him well and love him. He's probably been lonely since I have been sick. I have no energy to play with him like I used to. I used to do everything with him. Especially outdoor activities. I know he misses that. I have to get stronger.

I am still remaining isolated. I need to focus on getting better and a lot of times, talking to other people make me feel worse because they don't understand how I feel or what I am going through. So, when I talk to most of them, I feel pressured. I feel pressured to have to take their feelings into account because they are concerned about me. But sometimes I just don't have the emotional or mental room for all of that. Sometimes I need to focus that energy on myself and getting better. Life within itself is draining and I know they want to understand, but they don't. They are not here with me. They are not available enough for me to talk to or receptive enough for me to talk to. I don't like temporary availability. If you can't be there FOR ME (not pushing your own beliefs of what you THINK I should do) on a consistent basis then  I really don't want to get caught up in that temporary comfort because it hurts more when it disappears than if it was never there. I am learning to follow the first law of nature, Self-Preservation!

I mean no harm to anyone but I definitely mean health to me and it feels like the more I talk, the more people have my business, and the higher the chance of them telling it. Honestly, they don't know what it's like to walk around with a disease that you did nothing to deserve. A life-threatening disease that people will treat you horribly and talk about you viciously for having, regardless of how you got it. I mean, if it came down to it, I could handle myself if the word got out to everyone that I am positive. But who the hell would want to live like that?! Definitely not me. And definitely not my the loose lips of my family or friends. They don't understand that though. They want you to be strong, courageous, and an example for others because it's not them who has to deal with the repercussions. Some people can't hold water because it isn't their's to drink. And I find that to be very disrespectful when others share my medical condition. Why is that even necessary? That is my business to tell. The more people who know my business equals the less chance I have to a normal life. Normalcy feels like a distant dream at this point.

7 comments:

  1. I am so excited about your journey. I believe you will be cured. I follow Dr.Sebi also for acid indegestion and weight loss.

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    1. Thank you so much for your kind words. I am going to keep fighting. I'm sure it won't be much longer.

      -Queen Selah

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  2. I was going through a personal home issue of my and had not checked the blog in a while.when I noticed that your last post was in March I had a really bad feeling. I knew that was probably the last post, but I read anyway and was saddened to have my suspicions confirmed. You addressed my comment in your March 11 post that stated that you hadn't taken time for yourself and that you agreed. I had no idea that when I took time away to deal with some things the next day, which took me months to deal with as it was a family issue, you'd be gone. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed , but I do understand your reasoning.
    It is not fair to have your privacy invaded. I have also had an anonymous blog and understand the importance of making sure that you can express your truth even if it's behind a psyneudonym(sp). I think people get Misunderstood that just because you express your truth you must match it with a name and a face, and I don't think that is fair. I am angry at those who jeopardized your privacy and prevented you from sharing your story. I too am scared, Selah. There are diseases left and right that are created to destroy us. To have us depend on Big Pharmacy. I too have something that does not allow me to be "cured", and although it is not life threatening, it is something that I did not deserve and a dumb boyfriend has stained what had been a clean bill of health at that point. By rooting for you I felt there was hope for me too, and now that you are gone it is now time for me to begin to plan my own way to heal. I know you may be done with this blog, but I am hoping that you are able to see this message of gratitude. Thank you Selah. You are a huge source of inspiration.

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    1. Wow! I am in tears. And yes, I see your message. I don't know what compelled me to check on the blog this morning, as my life has been so much freer since I have stopped, but here I am with tears running down my cheeks after reading what you wrote.

      Yes, it felt amazing to be able to help and inspire others with my story. So much so that I forgot that there were selfish and bad people out there. I left myself open until I got stung by the invasion of my privacy and people trying to locate me. I had to stop. I have a life to live and a child to raise which is more important than the satisfaction of anyone else's curiosity. Thank you for understanding.

      It was very difficult to let go of the blog at first. But once a few weeks had passed, I felt free! People were still trying to locate and contact me but I did my best to dodge it. Without being too detailed, I will just say this, once you get over this thing the best way to live your life is as if it never happened in the first place.

      Being sick is a burden. But believe it or not, being cured is an even heavier burden. I suggest that you keep all of your business to yourself pertaining to whatever disease you may be working on curing, especially if it's sexually transmitted. If you believe you will be cured try not to let others or even doctors scare you, but you have to stay disciplined to Dr. Sebi's regimen.

      I am sorry I left you but please don't give up. I understand how important support is because I have absolutely N-O-N-E. And, yes, you said it way better than I could have. People mistake my openness as an invitation into my personal life. My transparency should have been enough to know that what I was saying is real. Why did they need to know my name, what I look like, my phone number, or where I live? That was just wayyy too much for me.

      No, we don't deserve what was done to us. People are wreckless and dishonest not only with themselves, but with the lives of others.

      I am grateful for the time I was able to help and inspire you. Stay encouraged and determined. Never forget your purpose.

      Peace & Love,

      Queen Selah

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    2. I am new to this and whats to come. Were you cured (negative test)? Also how long did it take and about how much did it cost a month? I don't know which package to buy.

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  3. You are a blessing ...nothing less. Those that are for you understand I wish I could hug you you have given my life so much hope

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  4. I also have been for almost 13 years and would love to learn more to cure me so I can live for my children

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