Sunday, March 6, 2016

Day 108 - Sunday, March 6, 2016

"Dreams are whispers from your soul."
-Unknown

I woke up drained again. Absolutely NO energy in my body. I was limp. Last night I had a dream/nightmare. I went to see three friends, two of whom I knew personally, at what seemed to be an apartment complex. Once there, it seemed to turn into a prison of some sort. I devised a plan to make things better for the girls who were housed there. I developed a newsletter that would feature a different girl and her story in each issue. This would help the girls feel special, thought of, and in return build their self-esteem. The girls loved my idea but my friends said I should charge. That wasn't my aim, so I decided to leave.

My friends and I left together because I didn't know my way back home. I walked with the girl I didn't know because the other two were walking to slowly and she said she knew the fastest route. So, I followed her. Not long after we began walking, I turned my head for one second to take in the woodsy scenery (because I love the outdoors) and she had vanished without a trace.

Then, out of the trees pounced an enormous leopard. His eyes glared as he circled and roared at me. His mouth watered as he threatened my life. He took my wrist and forearm into his mouth, gnawing on it, just as I sprayed him in the face with pepper spray until the can was empty. I was afraid. 

After that, for some reason, he became friendly. I looked around for any of the three girls but they were nowhere in sight. I walked a little further ahead with the leopard by my side. But all that was in that direction was another prison looking facility. But this one seemed to be for males. I began to panic and didn't want to be seen by them. I was lost in the woods. 

When I turned around to head back the other way, the friendly leopard was gone. I wanted to cry, but I didn't. I should have stayed with my slow friends whom I was familiar with and none of this would have happened. I pulled myself together and walked on. Not long after, I saw my brother ( the brother who paid for my first package) pull up on the side of the road, not too far ahead to look at something. I ran to him. I was saved. At that very moment my son called my name in the physical world, "Good morning Mommy." And I woke up.

Image result for dreams
"Dreams are real all you have to do is just believe."
-Ashanti

This is what I got from that dream. The meds are killing me. I began taking the prescribed medication that I received from the first visit with the first specialist on the first of this month after I got the bad news. Ever since then I have been feeling really groggy and sick. I have been feeling like I have absolutely no life in me. This girl that could once run miles without stopping, from using Dr. Sebi's products, to now, this girl who struggles to even make it out of bed in the mornings. It's crazy.

But I never put it together until now. I have only taken the Genvoya for five days and it has been tearing me down like this. The reason I tie this into the dream is because I feel as though the two friends in the dream that I am familiar with, represent Dr. Sebi. Although there are more of them and may seem to work slowly at times, they are reliable and cause me no pain. The third friend represents conventional medicine. I am not familiar with it, and although it seems to work faster, there is a lot of pain and unwelcome surprises along this path. Surprises that may kill you.

I think I have found my answer. I need to get back on Dr. Sebi's treatment as soon as possible and begin saving my money for the next package for April. I have almost 8 weeks until my next appointment. I have to make it happen by April 19th. I need some good results so I can believe again. I don't want the leopard to get me. Last night my son was crying as he tried to explain to me how he would try to survive if I died. It was so heartbreaking. He is only eight and he was talking about walking to the grocery store to try to buy food with his allowance that he has saved, to try to buy food to survive off of until one of his uncles comes to get him. But he said he still wouldn't be able to make it without my support and encouragement and my hugs and kisses that motivate him to believe in himself every day.

I had no tears left to cry, so I just held him close and told myself that I need to dust myself off and keep trying. I don't want to leave this little kid. I love him too much.

I needed to clear my mind and try to build my energy levels back up. I got dressed and took my son to a huge park almost an hour north of our house. We played a little basketball first, but I couldn't stay on my feet for more than about fifteen minutes. I was glad when I saw other children come onto the court. I laid in the shade of the backboard and rested as I watched my son play. I knew something was wrong. I'm usually very energetic. Especially during basketball or any outdoor activity.

I told him to wrap up his game so I could go get some sun. We put the balls in the car and went on an hour long paddle boat ride in the lake. With each activity, I could tell that I wasn't the same. I am weak. I couldn't paddle for more than a few seconds at a time, but my Cuddle Bug helped me out. The scenery was beautiful but the weather seemed to shift down to become a little chilly while we were out on the water. I am more aware of my temperature since my last doctor's visit. I am knocking at death's door and can't afford to take any chances no matter how good I feel. And I definitely haven't been feeling good lately.

We paddled the boat to shore and made our way to the car. We both put on our hoodies and headed to the hiking trail. My son pointed out numerous vultures circling above us. A few of them perched near by. I thought to myself, you're waiting for me to croak, huh? Keep waiting 'Mr. Three-Piece-And-A-Biscuit!'

We walked a few miles because I was unable to run or jog. I really enjoyed the nature walk. I needed that. After the park, we went to the grocery store to get a few alkaline items from Dr. Sebi's Nutritional Guide to help me get back on track. We also went to the clothing department to get my son another set of uniforms and a pack of underwear for school and a dress for me to wear to work because I still can't bring myself to do laundry, at least not at a wash house.

Tonight, I press the reset button and start fresh on Dr. Sebi's Treatment in the morning. I may have overreacted about the test results last week. Now, that I think about it, they aren't really that bad. There may have been a little range fluctuation that took place that I may have overlooked. I need to get a copy of the test results. I usually do, but there was just so much going on that day that I dropped the ball. I'll have to look into that. It wasn't fair to drop Dr. Sebi after just one not so good result, after I had already seen great progress in the first two when I was eating right.

I discovered some things about Sebi's treatment that I am too drained to write about at this moment. Some very vital information that I will try to remember to fill you in on tomorrow morning.

I'm going to have to push myself to fight temptations and get back on track with the eating. No more comfort foods. I have to tap back into my inner strength. I can do this if I just put all my energy into mind over matter.


Peace,

-Queen Selah










5 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. I love your signature. I always know when it's you. :-)

      XOXOXOXOXO

      Delete
  2. I'm so happy that you are going to give Dr Sebi's methods another try!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Im still here sis xoxoxoxo been a lil stressed but i have to check on you

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for checking on me. I was beginning to feel alone. I hope everything smooths itself out on your end.

      Warm wishes,

      Queen Selah

      Delete