Monday, February 22, 2016

Day 92 - Friday, February 19, 2016

"Nothing will work unless you do."
-Maya Angelou

I haven't had a Superwoman day in a while, but today is it. I am proud to say my cape is in tact and I am Superwoman!

I was selected to participate in a Black History game of Family Feud at work and represent my department. It is an honor that they feel as if I am adequate to represent for them. I take pride in the fact that although I am usually very quiet at work, they know that I am well-versed in the goings on of the Afrikaans.
I woke up early and dressed in my African attire and sent my son to school in his as well. I wanted to do the twist out on my hair last night. But I was afraid that if it didn't come out correctly I would look horrible on camera for the game show today. And I definitely can't have that. But I was beautiful nonetheless and exuded my African radiance as I walked into the office this morning. I was a showstopper! Lol.

I don't mean to come off as conceited, because if you knew me you would know that couldn't be any further from the truth. I am very modest and quiet. I used to suffer from low self-esteem. But not anymore! I just know when I am shining, and today was one of those days. Everyone stopped in their tracks to tell me how beautiful I looked. They usually tell me that, but today, it was different. There was a little more meaning to their words.

Today, I poked my chest out because I am black and I'm proud!

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I met up with the group and filming crew at the downtown location and enjoyed the game. They asked what year did Jamaica receive its independence? I knew that answer. I am Jamaican. But they didn't hear me ring the bell. I still mumbled the answer under my breath before the other team did so that they could hear me first. I wanted to see if I had the right answer, and I did...1962. I felt great! Although, I didn't get the point for it, my team knew I was reliable.

The guys took me out for lunch afterwards. I didn't want to ride with them. I always take my own car everywhere because I don't like to go out. This way I can leave whenever I get ready. They chose to go to Hooters to eat. Hooters is more of a chicken wing place so I figured I wouldn't be able to eat anything from there. But I was looking forward to being in some good company.

These were five upstanding black men with great careers, myself, and one other black woman. All decent people. Luckily for me, the restaurant had a great garden salad. Yum!

The conversation flowed as I was my goofy self because I was feeling good. I asked a lot of questions. Two of the guys were married, one had a girlfriend. The other just began dating a girl for less than a month. And the other was allegedly "happily" single. I took advantage of the variety of situations around me and got as much insight from all of the men as I could while I made them laugh. If one of them looked into my eyes too long I would turn and begin speaking to the other. I love, respect, and admire a married, or monogamous black man and I would never want to do anything to jeopardize such a union or cause them to consider straying. That would never be me. I don't care who the man is or how much money they have.

But they were great company and very respectful. It became overwhelming to finally be around decent people. I cried briefly at the table. You have to understand that I don't come across such people often. My co-worker, the other black woman at the table, understood why I was crying. She's the nosy one that works next tome back in the office. The guys were very caring. I wrapped it up quickly and pulled myself together because I didn't want any married man's arms around me to console me.

It's funny how small things go a long way now. Just to be able to have a conversation with men who aren't trying to sleep with me or get close to me is a breath of fresh air. The held my hand as they helped me into my car, held doors open, and pulled out chairs. Incredible! Who is raising the rest of society? Lol. I enjoyed being treated as the goddess I am today. They paid for my food and told me to drive safely.

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"The day I start to care what others think is the day I lose myself."
-Queen Selah

After lunch with the guys, I didn't return to work. I picked up my son from school, stopped by the post office, then got him ready for karate practice. I had a pep talk with him about always pushing himself and never becoming comfortable. He is very good at karate and have won national championships. However, I don't want him to get comfortable in his past successes in any area of life. I told him if he wants to remain the champ in his class he needs to keep working and putting forth effort, not as if he has something to lose, but as if he has more to gain.

The talk must have worked because I sat in on his practice today and blew the sensei's mind with his performance. He shifted gears today and the sensei used him to teach the class several times. My son was smiling during practice because he knew I was proud of him.

"Everybody wants a REAL relationship until they meet someone who exemplifies REAL standards. Then all of a sudden they aren't 'ready'."-Elrick Jones Jr.

Earlier today, my friend stopped by to see me. He has been trying to find time in his schedule to see me for a few weeks now. I told him I had to take my son to practice soon but he said he could still come by for a little while. He was waiting for me when I pulled up from work. We talked for a little while until it was time for me to leave. My son saw him out while I went into my bedroom to get dressed. When I came outside I heard my friend saying, "you'll have to ask your mom."

I didn't think much of it at the moment. But it turns out that my son asked him if he would volunteer to be his new dad. The fact that he used the word "new" broke my heart. Anthony was a real father to him. Nothing that took place between us could deny that. Now that he has had a father figure around, he misses him.

My friend called me the next day to tell me this. He said he was honored because he didn't know that my son liked him so much. Later, I asked my son why did he want him to be his new dad? He said because he is nice to him and has big muscles for the ladies. Lol. I had to laugh. My son is so funny sometimes.

Then I asked him what he thinks the duties of a dad is. He said to play with him and protect his wife and kid. He said I would be the wife. Lol. Once again, I had to laugh. My baby is so innocent. I explained to him that the ideal situation is for a man and woman to be married in order to have a child, but it is not always the way things happen. He laughed and continued. He said a dad would come to his games also.

My poor baby. These are all of the things that Anthony did with him. But he'll be fine. I may not be a man, but I can do everything they do. My only hope is that it is enough for my little prince. He says it is. My only fear is that he doesn't grow up with a void in his heart no matter how much I do for him. I told him that he is going to be a great husband to his wife when he grows up, based on the way he views family structure and roles. He said he knows. Lol. This short guy makes me laugh.

I took my treatment today...