Thursday, February 18, 2016

Day 90 - Wednesday, February 17, 2016

-Lauryn Hill

I had to put this picture and quote this big! This is one of my favorite quotes of all time. What makes it even more special is that it comes from one of my favorite people in the world, dead or alive.

This quote speaks to me because it describes exactly who or what I have become. Life has conditioned me to be this tough cookie that I really hate to be. But it is survival of the fittest. And I am definitely a survivor.

I put on my cute salmon colored dress today and went into work. Upon my arrival, everyone kept telling me how beautiful I looked. My underlying thought is always the same, "If only you knew..."

The receptionist gave me the nick name "Baby Doll" because she said that's what I look like every time I come in to work lately. That was sweet.

I didn't do much today. I picked my son up from school and brought him back to work with me like I used to do. He completed his homework in the office. Then read a book. After work, I brought him to karate practice and sat in this time. I haven't sat in on one of his classes in a long time. Maybe a month or so. My heart hasn't been in it. But I sat in and watched my Cuddle Bug perform tonight.

When we left the dojo I had to pull my car over to the side and cry. I'm tired. Over-exerted! Exhausted! I do everything on my own and I just needed to release for a moment. I cried and my son held me. I made him something to eat for dinner and wanted nothing more than to do poetry when I got home. But my spirit was too low. All I could do was lay in bed and cry until I fell asleep. I'm tired of being hard all of the time. But I am well aware that the cavalry is not coming. I have to save myself and my son.

I took my treatment today...

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