I also forgot to mention that one if my exes popped up at my house tonight. Let's call him "Bear" for privacy sake. I call him that because he looks like a little muscular teddy bear. Anyway, so Bear did a drop-in without calling and for some reason I wasn't mad. I have never drank alcohol in my life and I don't really care for being around people when they do. Bear was drinking and went in to my bedroom. He laid on the bed while talking to me. I had never seen him tipsy before so this was new for me. I sat on the side of the bed and talked to him for a while.
Then he asked me to cuddle with him. Anyone who knows me. knows that cuddling is my weakness. Cuddling is better than sex. Cuddling is better than hearing the words, "I love you." Cuddling is to feel safe and protected. Cuddling is intimate and that is why I refused to do it with him. As much as I wanted to lay in the arms of my Bear, I declined. I didn't want to develop feelings. A shoulder to cry on becomes a d**k to ride on. Having an emotional attachment to anyone at this point could turn out to be very detrimental to my progress. I have to be wise and fight the feelings at all times. If I am too afraid to disclose my status to a person then I shouldn't be getting emotionally attached to them. Obviously I don't trust them enough or I don't feel that they love me enough to look past my TEMPORARY ailment.
So, I just continued to sit there while he laid in my bed and I talked him to sleep. Once I heard the Bear snoring, I went to sit on my porch in the beautiful new reclining lawn furniture I had just purchased. I became a little sad, but not too much. This is a lonely disease. The fact that Anthony hurt me so badly by his deceitful double-life, nine times out of ten, once I am cured, I still won't be anxious for a relationship with anyone. So, it's not so much that I am lonely, because I am not, it's more so that I am restricted because I do care about the health and emotionally well-being of others.