Tuesday, February 16, 2016

Day 85 - Friday, February 12, 2016

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"Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference."
-Winston Churchill

So, I came into work this morning really distraught and feeling defeated. Today was one of those Wonder Woman days. I am not Superwoman today. I did not want to be here and you could definitely see it in my face. I was sad. And on top of that. the nosey woman who works next to me just kept pushing the envelope. Some people don't know their boundaries and I was weak and on edge today. So, I snapped.

She kept digging and digging and digging so I gave her what she was looking for. I loudly snapped and told her, "Okay, you just can't f***ing leave it alone can you?! He's gay okay. Anthony was f***ing a man! That's why I left him! That's why I put him out of my house! And that's why I refuse to speak of him! But you just couldn't leave well enough alone could you? You have to be in everyone's f***ing business! Damn! Get a f***ing life for crying out loud so you won't have to be so deep in everyone else's! He's gay and the man that keeps calling here is his f***ing boyfriend! Now leave me the f*** alone you miserable old b***h! Now you're satisfied!"

It felt good to finally tell her how I feel but that didn't stop the hot tears from flowing down my cheeks. I wish people would just leave me the hell alone. My dream is to live on a big plot of land in the woods or the country somewhere and grow my own food and live in solitude. Here is one of the reasons why. After I said what I had to say to her she immediately walked off. For the first time ever, she was speechless. She came back a few moments later to say, "You know I'm on your side, right? I don't want you to feel any differently towards me." I just shrugged her off and turned back to my computer screen. I'm so tired of her. I hate nosey people. To be concerned and to be nosey are two completely different things although sometimes they may overlap. 

The day was becoming too drab for me. I was crying silently too much. I decided to leave. However, Cameron came to me right before I was preparing to walk out and leave the office for the day. He sat down at my desk and told me that the meeting would not be taking place. He looked so deeply into my eyes as he spoke and I knew he meant it from the heart because he cares for me on a level beyond his job description. Cameron is the same person who cried real tears in the stairway with me back in November when I found out about Anthony being gay. We were in front of another coworker, Kim, and he held me and cried for me because he felt my pain. He's a good person. He was just really messing up with this whole meeting thing.

I can't remember anything that happened after that.

I did take my treatment for the day.

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