Thursday, February 11, 2016

Day 81 - Monday, February 8, 2016

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"The best fighter is never angry."
-Lao Tzu

Today started off like any other workday. But I made a conscious effort to try to put forth maximum effort in my assignments today. My boss is always so nice to me that I don't want to inadvertently take advantage of his kindness.So, I got my day off to a running start. I had a few assignments to take care of outside of the building. But nothing could have prepared me for what I would have to face when I returned to my office.

Once I returned to the building a little after 2pm, I went to my boss's office to give him an update of everything I had accomplished for the day. I was so proud of myself. I had been slacking off on my work since I found out about Anthony being gay and shortly after discovering my diagnosis.

After I gave hi the update he asked me to come into his office and close the door behind me. I said, "oh s**t! I'm in trouble. Am I in trouble? What did I do?" Although I was asking these questions, I still had a smile on my face because I knew that I hadn't done anything wrong. So, I sat there and waited for him to spill the beans. He immediately became uncomfortable so I urged him along. I said, "what happened?" 

Then it began...

My boss began to tell me that someone named Kevin called him today. He said the last name as well and my head immediately cocked to the side because I had an idea who he was talking about but I didn't want to believe it was him. I was hoping it was someone else, as that is a common name. As he continued to explain what took place my hopes spread their wings and flew out of the window. He explained to me that Kevin called the office and asked the receptionist to speak with my boss to file a complaint. My boss said he missed the call but Kevin left a message with his name and number and he returned his call. During the conversation my boss said that Kevin began to trash me terribly demanding that I be terminated from my job. My boss said it was Jerry Springer type stuff to the point that he became uncomfortable and asked him to stop. He asked Kevin if he had any work-related complaints to make against me and he said no. My boss told him there is nothing he can do about the other stuff and that it all sounds personal. Kevin immediately became dramatic and upset. He said he was going to come down to the building and speak with my boss's supervisor as well as the Human Resources department to have me terminated. My boss advised him that they would tell him the same thing. If his complaints are not work-related there is nothing they can do about it. My boss also asked him to not call back. He said he was going to tell the receptionist not to put his calls through anymore.

I sat there with my mouth open and blood boiling. The one thing my writing these blogs have failed to portray is the fact that I have this powerful rage that is always right beneath the surface in everything I do and it doesn't take much to awaken it. I have been doing well to suppress it. That's why I am always so nice to people because I don't want them to do anything to trigger it. This rage has been lying dormant for a couple of months now and it was ready to blow.

My boss and everyone I work with knows about this rage. But very few have seen it. He saw the whites of my eyes immediately turn red once he was finished telling me what happened. I wasn't concerned at any point about losing my job. I was afraid of going to jail for giving this rainbow unicorn exactly what he was looking for.My boss saw the anger mounting and tried to convince me that everything was okay. I told him who Kevin is, the guy who is screwing or getting screwed by my ex. 

Once again, he became uncomfortable, sat back in his chair, took off his glasses and said, "now everything makes sense." I literally died three times in that chair as I sat there wondering if Kevin had disclosed my HIV status to my boss. That would have killed me and really drove me over the edge to do something to him. But my boss was too uncomfortable to get into the details and I didn't want to push him. I walked out of his office, then immediately came back and asked him if I could have the rest of the day off. He nervously said, "sure. Definitely."

I thanked him and immediately headed for the receptionist's desk. I asked her about the phone all from Kevin. To which she informed that he had been calling every day for the last two months. Once in the morning and again around lunch time EVERY DAY. I was so shocked! I was like, why didn't anyone tell me? She also told me that he was claiming that he was going to come down to the building. I looked up in the sky and couldn't fin enough stars to wish upon. So, I took some paper out if the copy machine and drew some. I WISH that b***h would come down to my job! That would give me the right to damage that confused little soul. I would be within my rights to "defend myself." I'm a tough girl. I don't fear men at all. I have too many brothers that I grew up fighting to know what fear of physical contact is.

I know that he isn't planning to come down to my job to threaten me with any bodily harm but I doubt I'd be able to restrain myself from inflicting any on him. That is what everyone is afraid of. I told my coworker, the one I always hang out with at work, let's call her "Kim". So, I told Kim about what happened before I rushed out of the door in rage. I gave her my son's cell phone number, date of birth, school address, my brother's number, and my date of birth in case I go to jail. This way she will be able to pick up my son until everything is straightened out. She also suggested that I leave my bank card with my son in case I need to be bailed out. That was a great idea. That's why I love Kim. She's about 12 years older than me but we both act 16 when we're together.

On my way out of the office, I ran into another co-worker. He used to be a bodyguard for many celebrities such as Missy Elliott, Lady Gaga and P. Diddy. He saw my face and asked me what was wrong. I usually try to avoid this guy because he has made it clear on many occasions that he is  interested in me, and as you all know by now, I become very uncomfortable with men hitting on me. But something told me to speak. 

I told him what was going on and he asked me for Kevin's name and phone number. I gave it to him. He said he knows some people and he would take care of it on his end. I the meantime he told me not to do anything crazy and to think of my son. He advised me to go down to the courthouse and file a restraining order. And once that is done, let him know so he can proceed with is portion. He never specified as to exactly what that was. And I knew better than to ask. I rather not know.

But I was still angry. I hopped in my car and headed to Kevin's house. On my way there, I spoke to my brother on the phone. Hot tears rolled down my face in rage. For the first time ever, he was able to talk me down from committing a violent act. I reluctantly turned my car around and headed to the courthouse instead. Actually, I had to go home to park my car. Then jump on the train with my son so I wouldn't have to pay for parking, and headed downtown. 

They submitted the paperwork to the judge and we had to wait 4-5 hours before we could get an answer. My son and I ate dinner in the courthouse while we waited. I was also able to finally crack open Dr. Sebi's book that I ordered from Amazon and read a few pages. I could tell it was a good read just based on the intro. It said that this book is a continuation of the first book. The first book is the one that shows documentation of positive and negative results of the HIV/AIDS patients who Dr. Sebi cured. I will give you the name of the book in a later post when I have the time to locate it and post it. (It will be included in Thursday's post). A few hours later, the court official came back and informed me that my request was denied. I was livid!

My son and I got back on the train and returned home at almost ten at night. He had to stay up late in order to finish his homework. I didn't like that. I texted Kim and informed her that it was denied after all that time sitting in that building.

I was so distracted and angry that I did not take ANY of my treatment today.


  1. Girl dont let these devils delay your healing. Pray for whatever healing he may need. We want nothing but positive vibes. (I know this is hard one, praying for someone you want to beat the breaks off) lol blessings

    1. Lol. Sorry! Can't do it. I'm not going to lie to you. I'm not there yet. All I can hope for at this point is not to hurt anyone.

  2. What consumes your mind consumes your life. Don't give that fraud of a man the attention he wants. Go through the court system-criminal and civil.
    Stay strong.

    1. Wow! That was a powerful statement. I like that: "fraud of a man." Wooo! That's some heavy stuff. I really appreciate you guys interacting and communicating back with me. It really helps. Thank you all.

  3. Oh my...he was seriously on some other stuff. If you want to get the "sheet" beat out of you; mess with a woman's child or her ability to support that child and you will witness David Banner turn into the incredible hulk. Ugggh; I don't know him, but I still cant believe he did that. I'm glad you didn't make it to his house.