Thursday, January 21, 2016

Day 63 - Thursday, January 21, 2016

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"You are not a drop in the ocean. You are the entire ocean, in a drop."
The day is only halfway over, but I will fill you in from here. I am currently still at work for the moment. I'll be off in about another hour and a half. I crept out from work around noon to go to LabCorp. Michelle tole me that all I needed to bring was my ID but that was not true. Fortunately, for me, I brought my insurance card. Upon arriving to the office, I was told to sign in and have a seat. When they called my name they asked me for ID and my insurance card. I gave them both. They made a copy.
But then they asked for my bank card. What??? They said they needed it for security balance. And when I got into the exam room I was asked to sign the following document:

Laboratory Corporation of America

Patient Credit Card Authorization

Date: 01/21/2016
Requisition Number:
Credit Card Number:

Dear Patient,

Your insurance company will be billed for applicable charges for today's service. By signing this form, you agree that any remaining balance due as the patient's responsibility will be charged to your credit card. Should there be any remaining balance after your credit card is charged, LabCorp will bill you and you will be responsible for paying these remaining charges.

The agreed maximum amount to be charged to your credit card for LabCorp's services today for the above-referenced requisition number is:


You will receive a follow-up letter from LabCorp reflecting the charges applied to your credit card. I certify that this is my credit card and that I am legally authorized to give permission for its use. By signing this form, I authorize LabCorp to charge my credit card an amount not to exceed the "maximum estimated charges" listed above. Your physician may have requested laboratory tests that will automatically trigger additional testing procedures based on certain clinical indications. In addition your physician may determine it necessary to order additional testing procedures on the sample collected today. If additional testing is performed on your sample, LabCorp will bill you for the additional testing. I agree to pay the amount so charged in accordance with my credit card issuer agreement. In the event that there are any problems with my credit card payment, I agree to pay all collection costs and reasonable attorney's fees incurred in attempting to collect on the account balance.

Should you have any questions, please contact a LabCorp Patient Customer Service representative at 1-800-845-6167.

What the hell?! What did I just sign? If it wasn't for my condition, I would have refused to sign this. All of this is just too much. It's draining at times dealing with certain things that I have no prior knowledge of.

Anyway, so I went in and pulled up my sleeves for the medical assistant to find a vein. Without touching me, she immediately knew I had a good one in my left arm. She stepped out of the room for a second and came back in holding a butterfly needle. She said that was her last one. I was so grateful. It's not that I can't handle a regular needle, I just prefer the smaller ones. They are more accurate. I made sure I drank a lot of water this time so the vein could be more prominent. I guess it worked. She found the vein the first time. It was absolutely painless and quick. She was so good that I wish I could take her around in my pocket for every doctor visit I may have in the future. I smiled as the blood left my body. Being that I am trained in that area, I always take a look at the tubes. There were a lot of tubes to be filled with my blood and I was hoping that I had enough.

There were eleven tubes in total. Once she was finished drawing my blood, I asked her how many milliliters did each tube hold. Three of the tubes held 8.5 milliliters of blood and the other 8 tubes held 4 milliliters. So they drew a total of 57.5 milliliters of blood. I'm already fasting, so I hope my body will be able to withstand the after affects.

I've been happy for the past few days. Then there are moments like this, when I have to face the reality of my situation and sometimes it causes a strange reaction. Sometimes I miss the friendship aspect of what Anthony and I had. My brother always tells me that people have parts. They aren't just one thing. Well, my heartache has parts also. It comes in waves, like unexpected spurts. Out of nowhere, I feel pain in my chest, where my heart used to be. Anthony was my best friend. We did everything together. He would have been right here holding my hand through this entire process if I would have let him. But I can't... The pain is too deep. The deceit too unbearable. He tried to kill me.

So, when I feel these feelings, I keep them to myself because no one would understand my ability to look past certain things or separate certain actions from the person. Everyone knew how happy and inseparable we were, but for some reason, after all that has happened, they wouldn't understand me missing him at times. I miss his friendship. He can keep his sex. Yuck! Just the thought of him touching me in that way again makes my stomach crawl now that I know he has been with a man. So, I usually embrace all the pain I feel during these spurts of heartache so I can hurry up and get it out of my system and go on to being happy again. My spirit has really been up lately. I'm learning how to enjoy life again, my mind is clear, I am beautiful, I love what I see in the mirror. I love what I hear when I open mu mouth. There are so many things that bring me joy lately, until I feel the void, hurt, and damage that Anthony left there...

And the worst part is that Anthony spoiled me when we were together. That's why it was so hard for me to to come to terms with him being gay or bisexual or whatever. I don't even see how he found the time to be with anyone else as much as he loved to stay up under me. I was spoiled with ALL of his attention and affection. I could never be near him without him placing a hand somewhere on my body, usually my waist or lower back. He told me he loved me and that I was beautiful more times than I could count per day. We talked all the time. Never ran out of conversation. Whenever he left the house for work he would call and text me so we could talk some more. And the sex...the sex was immaculate! In the beginning it was horrible. But once he moved in and asked me to marry him, it was as if he was studying my body. I was always satisfied, especially orally. I don't think I will ever want to be with another man again after I'm cured for two reasons. One, I don't think I will be able to meet someone who would spoil me the way he did. And two, if the sex could be that spectacular and a man could still be gay, I trust no one! All jokes aside, I am serious. I will stay by myself. At least that way I won't have to worry about catching any diseases.

In other news, I ordered one of Dr. Sebi's books the other day from Amazon and it finally arrived in the mail today. I received a confirmation email that it was delivered and I was so excited that I left work to go pick it up. Dr. Sebi didn't write it of course. Because if you know anything about Dr. Sebi, then you know that he doesn't read or write. But I believe it was written on his behalf. The title of the book is, "Sojourn to Honduras Sojourn to Healing: Why An Herbalist's View Matters More Today Than Ever Before" written by Beverly Oliver. 

The back cover states the following:

Usha Village Healing Center in Honduras, Central America is the setting for memoir Sojourn to Honduras, Sojourn to Healing. Author Beverly Oliver weaves into her story advice and anecdotes from herbalist and nutritionalist Dr. Sebi.

"The blue vervain is a plant that digests potassium phosphate. And she grows right here in the village and she's a pretty plant. If you want your nerves to be treated properly, just think about the blue vervain, the root and the flower."

In conversations about herbs, diet and disease, she discovers:

Dr. Sebi's relentless pursuit of herbs

Why, in an organic-focused world, he advocates, instead, natural, alkaline, starchless food

Today's focus on organic and nonorganic food is somewhat misplaced

Healthy and delicious alternative foods are available and waiting for discovery. Chickpea fries are the new french fries!

So, I can't wait to jump into reading that. I just hope my package hurries up and arrives sooner than later. It would be great to have some relative informative material to read while taking my treatment package. It helps to keep one's eyes on the prize. 

I took it easy at the gym last night because I'm down to 186 pounds now. I'm not really interested in losing weight. I just want to be healthy.

Bromide Plus
Dr. Sebi
4 capsules daily
Bio Ferro
Dr. Sebi
3 caps in the a.m. & p.m.
Chelation 2
Dr. Sebi
2 caps in the a.m. & p.m.
Black Elderberry
Gaia Herbs
2 caps b.i.d.
Black Elderberry
Liquid Extract
Herb Pharm
1 full dropper t.i.d.
Burdock Root
Nature’s Way
2 caps t.i.d.
Liquid Extract
Herb Pharm
1 full dropper t.i.d.
3 caps b.i.d.
Nature’s Way
1 casule daily

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