Saturday, January 9, 2016

Day 51 - Saturday, January 9, 2016

"Silence is the most powerful scream."

Today was another successful day with my eating. I kept myself busy by organizing a lot of paperwork I had laying around the house. That helped me to keep my mind off of eating junk, For breakfast, I ate the leftover salad from last night and it was just as delicious. It kept me full almost the entire day.

In the evening, I went to the grocery store to pick up some sour sop pulp and kale to experiment with on another salad. The kale, not the sour sop. But on my way home, I began to feel sad. Regardless of how smoothly and successful my day was coming along, at that very moment, I felt a feeling I haven't felt in a very long time...loneliness.

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"Every time I see a couple holding hands, or just plainly sitting together I look away. It's not that I hate seeing lovers. But it reminds me of a question no one can answer. 'WHERE'S MINE?'"

I believe it kicked in when I was pulling into my driveway. I'm not used to coming home to an empty house. I tried to brush off those feelings and do something to occupy my mind. My son and I brought the grocery bags in and decided to experiment with making milk shakes. I always take advantage of opportunities to teach my son about healing through nutrition. He studies Dr. Sebi with me and wants to be a healer soon. We're not waiting until he becomes an adult when he's perfectly capable now.

My son made his milkshake with burro bananas, raspberries, and homemade walnut milk (which he made himself). I made mine with burro bananas, blackberries, and homemade walnut milk. They turned out to be delicious! I wasn't able to drink all of it because I was still full from my morning salad and the banana chips I was snacking on. I decided against making the salad tonight because that would have been a waste of food. I wasn't even hungry when I made my milkshake. I guess I was just bored.

After our snack, I did some studying and home learning with my son before setting him free to go to his room. Then that feeling crept back up. Loneliness...I wanted to call one of my friends over but I decided against it. I just wanted some company. My friends recently revealed to me, after I dumped Anthony, that they have strong feelings for me. And I didn't want to deal with that. I just needed a friend to sit with me for a while. They don't even have to talk. They could have went to sleep on the other couch for all I care. I just wanted the presence of another person with me.

If this would have been more than six months ago, I probably WOULD HAVE called one of my friends over, knowing that they had feelings of me. I would have just HOPED they would keep it to themselves and be normal. But due to my growth and wisdom, I have now learned to just avoid situations like that all together. Besides, I'd hate to have to hurt someone's feelings by constantly turning them down. People can't handle rejection. That's how you lose friends. So, I guess Grey's Anatomy will keep me company tonight...

(Solaray) Sarsaparilla capsules - 3 capsules b.i.d.
(Nature's Way) Burdock Root capsules - 2 capsules t.i.d.
(Herb Pharm) Dandelion liquid extract - 1 full dropper t.i.d.
(Herb Pharm) Black Elderberry liquid extract - 1 full dropper t.i.d.

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