Friday, December 18, 2015

Introduction - How I Found Out I Was Positive

It's funny how we assume that if we live our lives a certain way we are immune and exempt from certain situations. Well, I am here to tell you that is not so.

I knew my ex for over four years. He courted me for about three. It took him that long to convince me to take him seriously. Quite frankly, I was not interested in pursuing a relationship with him because he seemed as if he just didn't take anything seriously in life (including himself). He was a ladies man. He had women at his disposal. He never took girls on dates or gave them any money. All he had to offer was penis. But in return, he received money and all sorts of love. I guess he preyed on those with low self-esteem. I'm not sure, so I can't really say. But that's what it seemed like and I was not one of them. You can't run in and out of my life. But that's another story. 

So, in the beginning of year three is when we began having unprotected sex. He seemed to have changed his life to be with me. He began working two jobs, helping out with the bills, interacting with my family, being the male figure in my son's life and slowing down on the traffic with other women.

Image result for marriage

I was happy because I knew I was worth it and someone was finally putting in all the work it takes not only to get me, but to keep me. He proposed to me! A few weeks before we were due to get married I had a feeling in the pit of my stomach that wouldn't go away. We were extremely happy at this point in our lives so I tried relentlessly to ignore it. But it wouldn't go away. Ever since I changed my eating habits to a vegan/alkaline based diet I have been very in tune with my third eye. So I could ignore it no longer.

My spirit was telling me to see what he was up to. So, what did I do? I installed a tracking device onto his phone on November 14, 2015. Within one hour, I found out what I thought was the worst news of my life. This man that I had been dealing with for four years and was about to marry was also seeing a man. A man that hated me because I was getting in the way of him being with my fiance. This app was able to show me all of his text messages, phone calls, web activity and GPS location. I immediately returned home with my heart in my hands and kicked him out of my house. All the time we had been together no longer meant anything. All the nights spent together, the love, the trips taken together, the marriage that was pending, and all the great ways he made me feel was now out of the door along with his undercover butt.

A part of me died immediately and I became numb. Then numbness turned to anger once he was gone. I did a little further research and found out he had been seeing this man for at least three years and was trying to break it off with him now but the other man was not letting go so easy. A part of me was relieved. Thank God I dodged that bullet is how I felt at the moment. Then fear came over me. I needed to get tested. I contacted my brother, who lives in another state, and asked him to come down and go with me to the doctor so I could get tested. I told him everything that took place with my fiance. He was in disbelief and I was afraid to go alone.
Image result for bad news
He said he would come, but I couldn't wait that long. Anxiety was taking over me. I called one of my friends from middle school and asked her to accompany me the next day (November 16, 2015), and that's when I got the news. My results came back positive. I was devastated and emotionless. I was so emotionless that the test administrator was afraid to let me leave because I had no reaction and she was afraid I would become suicidal once I left the office. I eventually assured her that I was okay and left the office with my friend.

I was distraught. The last time I was tested was in March of this year and it came back negative. My fiance refused to get tested with me. He said, "If you're good, I'm good." Wow. Love is blind. The story gets deep but I'm going to end it here and focus on informing you all about my journey to a cure. All else is irrelevant at the moment. What he did to me is already done. He's out of my life and now I want to focus on getting better. I'm already a better person mentally and spiritually. I have to put in work now to become a better person health-wise, socially, and emotionally. I don't really like to interact with people anymore because I feel like a leper. As if I have "cooties" or "the nasty woman's disease." I'm also ridiculously afraid of infecting anyone else with it, including my son. Even though I know it is not that easy to pass on, I am considerate of others because I would want them to do the same for me.

I couldn't function at work and wanted to be left alone at times. I had several seizures due to the overwhelming on-flow of emotions. But as I came back to my senses, I remembered the great man I had been studying over the past few months, Alfredo Bowman, infamously known as Dr. Sebi. The man who cures all diseases and states that HIV is one of the easiest ones. I immediately calmed down and had to focus now on how to come up with the money to obtain the right products, foods, and possibly a trip to see Dr. Sebi at his USHA Research Institute in La Ceiba, Honduras for faster healing.

The stigma attached to HIV is way worst than the actual disease/virus...

4 comments:

  1. I do respect your privacy GodQueen Selah so if you deny my request I accept with love an overstanding. I just would like to know what was the GPS tracer you used to gain access to the cell If you will.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's called SMS Tracker and you can download it for free in the Google Play Store.

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    2. It's called SMS Tracker and you can download it for free in the Google Play Store.

      Delete
  2. Hi Selah,
    I am re-reading this blog. I hope you are ok and will do another blog on something else soon. I love the way you write.

    FLJ

    ReplyDelete