Monday, December 28, 2015

Day 34 - Wednesday, December 23, 2015

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"You can cut all the flowers but you cannot keep Spring from coming."
-Pablo Neruda

Treatment
Form
Brand
Dosage
Black Elderberry
Capsule 1,150mg
Gaia Herbs
2 caps t.i.d.
Bladderwrack
Capsule 580mg
Nature’s Way
1 cap daily
Burdock
Capsule 425mg
Solaray
1 cap t.i.d.
Damiana
Capsule
Nature’s Way
2 caps t.i.d.
Dandelion
Capsule
Solaray
2 caps t.i.d.
Ginger Root
Capsule 250mg
Solaray
1 cap daily
Kelp
Capsules
Nature’s Way
1 cap daily
Myrrh Gum
Capsules
Solaray
1 cap t.i.d.
Sarsaparilla
Capsules
Solaray
3 caps b.i.d.
Yellow Dock
Capsule 500mg
Solaray
1 cap b.i.d.
Black Elderberry
Liquid Extract
Herb Pharm
1 full dropper t.i.d.
Dandelion
Liquid Extract
Herb Pharm
1 full dropper t.i.d.
Ginger
Liquid Extract
Herb Pharm
1 full dropper t.i.d.
Myrrh
Liquid Extract
Herb Pharm
1 full dropper t.i.d.
Red Clover
Liquid Extract
Gaia Herbs
60 drops t.i.d.
Yohimbe
Liquid Extract
Herb Pharm
1 full dropper t.i.d.
Yohimbe Bark
Liquid Extract
Gaia Herbs
30 drops daily
Bio Ferro
Liquid Tonic
Dr. Sebi
2 tbsp b.i.d.

I was having a smooth day at work today. Then I received a call from the Care Resource Center. I was asked to come in to complete the paperwork in order to receive services. They asked me to bring in my last 3 pay stubs, a light bill, my ID, and my positive test results.

I felt depleted all over again. Here's another reality slap right in the face! I...have...H.I.V....

Although I was excited about getting one step closer to getting some labs done, I dreaded having to go back to that place. That place where all the H.I.V. positive patients roam. That place of forced hope where everyone seems like the walking dead. That building that is not discreet in any form, where I have to hide, hoping that no one who knows me, sees me or my car there. The place where they ask you a million questions, forcing you to relive the contraction of your disease over and over again. But I wanted lab work more than my next breath. So, I went.

I left work early and went down to the building with all of my documents. The case manager's first language was not English (it was Spanish) so she spoke annoyingly slow. I just wanted to get to the bottom of when I will be seeing a doctor to have some lab work done. She gave me a bunch of papers to sign and initial. All the places for me to do so were highlighted as if they didn't want me to read. This caused me to read them even more thoroughly. They were trying to make me sign off that I received certain documents and information that I did not receive. So I called her on it and refused to sign until I received the respective paperwork.

I felt like I was signing my life away. And it didn't help that she was talking so freaking slowly. Based on what she told me, I would have to make 3 more trips to the center before I could see a doctor. That news deflated me. But she said she would try to push the lab work appointment for next Tuesday. My main concern about the documents was my privacy. I don't want my information to be sold or circulating amongst government entities. I don't want any H.I.V. related information surfacing around my home or job. Let's get this CD4 count rolling now please!!! I need a baseline.

In the afternoon, I had an oh so yummy sour sop, mango, agave and walnut smoothie without any water. It was thick and delicious. One of the best smoothies I have made by far. I usually don't put nuts in my smoothies, but I could barely tell they were there.

The water I've been drinking has been working wonders. I have been urinating excessively and can almost feel the toxins leaving my body.

However, my son was graduating to his next rank in karate today and they threw a party. Those same croquettas I had been running away from finally caught up with me. Maybe it was fate that I indulge into these tasty little morsels. Just kidding. But that's what happens when you live and work around Cubans. I'm constantly surrounded by their food.

I could no longer resist the temptation of the croquettas. I ate about four or five of them and two mini-sandwiches. However, I did stick to my water regimen. I did not drink any of the soda or juices that were being served. They also served alcoholic beverages, but that was not an issue for me. I have never drank alcohol in my life and I don't plan on doing so. But my weakness for free food got me that night. I felt so defeated and disappointed in myself afterwards.

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